Introspective

Almost every six months or so I find myself in a weird introspective phase. I take a look at my life and the things I do and kind of take some weird inventory of those things to see if I’m living up to the things I expect out of myself. I have no idea where this inclination comes from, but I do it and I often have a really good time chasing down some of the things that bother me.

It’s really weird to do one of these kinds of weird journeys, but it’s also pretty energizing. This time, I think the whole thing is triggered by the fact that I’m going to be a dad in a month. Someone else is going to be relying on me for pretty much everything. I look at that not as just them relying on me for food, shelter, or simple things. I think about him relying on me for moral fiber, character, examples of strength, duty, honor, integrity, and all of those other intangible things that we provide as parents without thinking about it. I’ll be his first example of what a man should be, or what he thinks a man is. I want to live up to what I think a man should be so he has a good example. It’s a lot of pressure O_O

I know I’m thinking a little too hard about it, but I can’t help it. Either way, this practice has been really fun. I’m trying to go through some of these virtues in Manvotionals and seeing how I live up to them. This book is incredibly motivating. It’s not something that changes your life immediately, but its something to look at when you feel like you should be doing better or doing more. That’s kind of how I’m attacking everything. Focusing in on some things that I know I might be able to change over time.

This whole phase has honestly been really fun. You would think that this much time spent thinking about all the things you need to do might be a little distressing, but I find it to really energize me. I hope I can keep up with it and continue to make those changes for the better. This blog is part of that and one of the things that I want to dedicate some time to so I have a record of things that are important to me. These rambling streams of consciousness will mean a lot when it comes down to it. 😀

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